Humor on Computers, Systems and Programming (Part 1)

Real Programmers

Real programmers don't comment their code.  It was hard to write, it should be hard to understand and even harder to modify.

Real Programmers don't document. Documentation is for simpletons who can't read listings or the object code from the dump.

Real programmers don't write in BASIC.  Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after reaching puberty.

Real Programmers don't write in COBOL. COBOL is for COmmon Business-Oriented Laymen who can't run a business, much less write a real program.

Real Programmers don't write in COBOL. COBOL was designed to be read, not run. Unfortunately it is often run anyway.

Real Programmers don't write in APL, unless the whole program can be written on one line.

Real Programmers don't write in LISP. Only idiots' programs contain more parenthesis than actual code.

Real Programmers don't write in PASCAL, BLISS, ADA, or any of those other sissy computer science languages. Strong typing is the crutch for people with weak minds.

Real Programmers don't write in PL/I.  PL/I is for programmers who can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.

Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN.  FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies.  FORTRAN is for wimp engineers who wear white socks.

Real Programmers don't write in RPG. RPG is for gum-chewing dimwits who maintain ancient payroll programs.

Real Programmers don't write applications programs. They program right down on the bare metal. Applications programming is for the dullards who can't do systems programming.

Real Programmers don't write specs. Users should be grateful for whatever they get: they are lucky to get any programs at all.

Real Programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference manual is the hallmark of the novice and the coward.

Real Programmers don't believe in schedules. Planners make up schedules. Managers "firm up" schedules. Frightened coders strive to meet schedules. Real Programmers ignore schedules.

Real Programmers consider "what you see is what you get" to be just as bad a concept in text editors as it is in women. No, the Real Programmer wants a "you asked for it, you got it" text editor -- complicated, cryptic, powerful, unforgiving, dangerous.c

source : http://www-crypto.htw-saarland.de/weber/misc/programming.html